On My Mind

I've got things on my mind. Don't we all? Writing my feelings out on paper (or typing them on a blog) has always been a good release for me. I'm not worried about "sharing too much" on my blog, as the stuff that has been on my mind really doesn't need to be censored. I've mentioned before that my blog is like a personal scrapbook/journal to me and I want to someday look back on these posts and remember where I once was and to see the way God has worked in my life, as I believe He is the One who holds it.

I turn 24 this week. Seems old to me! I often find myself thinking about how "weird" it is that I have officially lived on my own (out of the dorm and parents' house) for over a year. I pay my own bills-all of them. I wake myself up to go to work everyday. It's still astonishing sometimes to think the future I anticipated (having a career as a teacher, at least) is now here. I'm living it, and I do love it! I still feel really young though, but mature at the same time. Many others my age, and even some younger, are married, engaged, or already have children. None of those things are in store for me in the near future, as far as my eye can see. I claim, however, that God knows every detail.

(Disclaimer: This post is not directed toward any potential relationship I have.)
Recently, someone made a comment that irked me. It irked for a couple of reasons. 1) I'm feisty and I don't like when people insinuate things I don't agree with. 2) I am far more determined to wait for my husband than I am to just settle by going after him myself. The comment made went something a little like this: "You can't wait for a man to pursue you these days. Nowadays, men won't pursue you if you don't pursue them. You have to make yourself available to them." I agree with that....to an extent. I do think that a relationship that works requires two people's efforts. Totally agree with that. It is not solely a man's job to build a relationship, nor is it solely a woman's job. If a guy acts interested in a girl, if she is interested too, she must show him. Again, I agree with that. Completely. It only makes sense. Why wouldn't a woman want to show her mutual interest in a guy who liked her? Duh! What I don't agree with is the part about having to pursue a man in order to find love or find what I want in a husband. I can tell you right now, it's not going to happen that way, or at least for me it won't. I want in a husband someone who seeks me with their whole heart and shows me he's willing to work his hardest for the relationship to even be. I was raised to believe that, and that's a big reason why I think this way, I'm sure. I'm adamant though-I'm NOT going to throw myself all over a guy just so he'll notice me. Or like me. Or whatever. I will always believe it is the man's job to first show interest in a woman and "make the first move" in that area. If a man isn't willing to do that for me, then there are more fish in the sea.

I'm not a "princess" type girl. I never have been into princesses, pink, fairytales, etc. I'm definitely considered a girly-girl, but I'm not "over-the-top." However, I do think highly enough of myself to want a man (who I consider marriage material) who will pursue me in the beginnings of a relationship and treat me with the utmost respect. Chivalry is not dead. I'm not at all expecting him to take me to Disney's Cinderella Castle and send me flowers at work everyday and blah blah blah-I am more simple when it comes to all of that. What will "sweep me off my feet" more than anything else, is a guy who takes a risk in pursuing me.

I say all of this realizing this is not the way every girl thinks. I know that. I know I'm different in certain aspects of things. We all have our own unique expectations, etc. I just know who I am and I'm confident. I know what I want. I've dated before, long-term even. I know what I'm looking for. I know my personality. That personality is not the type to dress all hip-hop, act like a ditz, be fake for attention, throw myself on a guy...just so he'll notice me. I want a guy to notice me for who I am, as I am. No fakeness. No games. That's not real. I'm not sure why any woman would put on such a facade. That's why relationships fade so quickly; they're built on fake stuff that occurred in the beginning stages and it didn't grow on a firm, truthful foundation. At least that's the way I see it.

I'm no relationship expert. Not even close. My past experiences combined with knowing my personality help me arrive at these thoughts. The comment irked me because I felt like Satan was creeping in saying, "Yeah, you might as well give up just waiting. You better run after and throw yourself on guys so that you'll be able to find happiness." I am happy. One day I hope to add to my happiness by finding an amazing man to marry and build a family with. But for now, I'm content. I'm young. I've got time. No need to go around putting on a show to win someone. That's not me. I would rather be single than force someone into liking/loving me. I know God is using this time of singleness to better my future in relationships.

I am determined to wait until God brings someone into my life who was meant just for me. I'm not going to do a crazy stunt show in order to find him. He will come, when God sends him. In the meantime, I will enjoy the life that I have and stay true to myself. The comment that was made will serve as a reminder to do just that.

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Psalm 37:7